Never Too Late Page 26

  “All right. I’ll call you later. And Mike? Thanks.”

  “Is it true?” Jamie asked, as Carla walked back into the office. She looked exhausted and sad. Jamie’s heart stuttered. She’d hurt her, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

  “Every word. I won’t put you in an awkward position again and—”

  “No. The part about you love me.”

  “How can you not know that?”

  “Carla—”

  “It’s all right, Jamie. Like the card says, your friendship means everything to me. I can’t lose you again. I’ll leave the clinic if—”

  “No. I don’t want you to.” Jamie’s voice crackled with panic. She met Carla’s gaze and fell into those eyes. Kindness. “I want you to stay.” Jamie shook her head. That wasn’t what she’d meant to say. There was more. Carla nodded, but the sadness still clouded her eyes. Jamie’s heart broke and love seeped through the cracks, too strong to be denied. Why couldn’t she say what she’d waited twenty years to say?

  “I’m glad. Now let’s get you to the ER.”

  Jamie crossed to Carla in rapid strides. Her hand was throbbing but so was her heart. She was breathing hard, desire consuming her with each step. Something in Carla’s…everything…her voice with its soft cadence that invited disclosure…her soft curves that offered enclosure…her warm gaze that spoke of understanding…undid Jamie. She meant to hug her but at the last second…

  She captured Carla’s mouth in a searing kiss. Her feelings took free rein and she moaned as desire obliterated everything else. She tangled her uninjured hand in the soft hair and held Carla to her as she drove her tongue deeper into the warmth—stroking, probing, seeking, withdrawing to nip at Carla’s lower lip, before pressing back into the warmth. She slid her hand down to Carla’s breast. She wanted more. Carla’s fingers wrapped around her arm, stopping her. Reality broke through.

  “I’m sorry.” Jamie backed up until she hit the desk, her breathing uneven as desire battled with responsibility. She knew what she felt, but acting on it was wrong. She cradled her injured hand against her stomach and tried to find the right answer.

  “There’s nothing to apologize for. Intense emotions sometimes get crossed. You’ve been through a lot today.”

  “I’m no better than him.” Her mind spit out the words but her heart ached for Carla.

  “You’re nothing like him,” Carla said, forcefully.

  Jamie couldn’t take her eyes from Carla, from the understanding that was always there.

  “Please,” Carla said, her voice softening as she moved toward Jamie. “Keep your father’s behavior where it belongs. You’ll never know the why, Jamie. Don’t compare yourself to him. Don’t turn judgment back on yourself because he’s not here to hold accountable.”

  “What he did was wrong, Carla.”

  “I’m not excusing it, but I understand about feelings overruling responsibility.”

  “That night.” That night that meant so much to her had come at a price for Carla.

  Carla nodded.

  “But you did the responsible thing by going home to Mike.”

  “I did the responsible thing by my parents’ standards, society’s standards. I wasn’t brave enough to do what I knew in my heart was right for me. I spent twenty years being responsible to the wrong dream. Not a bad dream. Just not the dream I wanted.” Carla’s smile was heartbreaking. “It took me too long to realize that sometimes you have to step outside of being responsible to find what makes you happy.”

  “You and Mike.”

  Carla nodded again. “I don’t know anyone who tries harder to do the right thing or to put other people first. But you’re so hard on yourself. It breaks my heart to see you so bound to responsibility for everything but your own happiness. I don’t like your father much. He gave the illusion of putting other people first, but he didn’t. He was about taking and you’re about giving. Let him go, Jamie. Don’t let him drag you under. Live your own life.”

  Jamie absorbed what Carla was saying. Live your own life. Follow your dreams. Isn’t that what her mom had told her so many times? And Penni—two women she loved and trusted? She’d never heard that advice from her father or from Sheryl. She took a deep breath as her life shifted into something that finally made sense. “Can we sit here for a few minutes? I think you’re right about my hand, but I need to…be with you…for a bit. Please don’t be mad at me.” She was afraid to look at Carla. Afraid of what she’d see in those beautiful amber eyes.

  “Like I said in the card, things are complicated between us—the surprise of meeting again, leftover feelings.” Carla’s voice was like a soothing caress. “Aren’t we just trying to make that transition from lovers to friends? We’ll get through it.”

  Jamie knew in her heart she wanted more than friendship, but she needed to do it right. She didn’t want to be like her father, but she also couldn’t be responsible to the wrong dreams any more. For tonight a friend was exactly what she needed. Jamie smiled as she stepped toward Carla. Cradling her hand, she rested her cheek against Carla’s shoulder. As long as she had this shoulder to lean on she could make it through anything. “How do you always know the right thing to say?”

  “Maybe because I know you.” Carla wrapped her arms around Jamie. “Do you know what I thought about you that night in Atlanta?”

  “That I was hot and sexy?” Carla laughed, and the sound fed the lonely places in Jamie.

  “Besides that. I thought you were one of the kindest people I’d ever met.” She smiled when Jamie looked at her. “Yep. Your mom would be proud of how you’ve lived your life.”

  Tears stung Jamie’s eyes, and exhaustion was catching up to her. She kissed Carla on the cheek and stepped back. Now that she knew what she wanted she’d make it happen. “Will you go with me to the ER?”

  “I’ll go anywhere with you. After all, how much riskier can it get than a Melissa Etheridge concert and a lesbian bar?”

  “You probably thought I knew how to show a girl a good time back then.”

  Carla wrapped Jamie’s hand in hers. “I don’t think a trip to the ER on a Monday night can top that night.”

  “I’m glad you came looking for me.” Carla’s arm came around her waist and she relaxed into the support that would get her through this.

  *

  “I’m following you home,” Carla said as they pulled into the clinic parking lot.

  “Carla, I’m—”

  “Exhausted. I’m following you.”

  The drive home was tense. What if Sheryl was there? What if she came out to greet Jamie? At least her hand was all right—some stitches but no damage to muscles or nerves. She collapsed against the steering wheel with relief when she saw the dark house. Another disaster was more than she could bear. She walked to Carla’s car and squatted down by the opened window. “Good night.”

  “Is your partner home?”

  “Yes.” Jamie lied because it was easier than the truth.

  “Well, tell her to take good care of you. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Jamie watched until her taillights disappeared around the corner. She missed her already. Tomorrow morning was a long time to wait to see the woman she loved.

  Jamie made it into sweats before collapsing into bed. She tried to stay awake. She needed to talk to Sheryl. How was she going to explain that she was in love with someone else, that she wanted out of their relationship? Her eyes closed and she was asleep in seconds.

  Jamie sat bolt upright and looked at the clock. 3:23. She knew. Maybe if she hadn’t been wondering about her father’s absences, working late all the time, meetings and seminars on too many weekends, maybe if she hadn’t been chastising herself for missing the clues to his cheating, she would have continued to ignore the signs. Marching to the guest room she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  Sheryl squeezed her eyes shut against the bright light. “What are you doing?”

  “How long, Sheryl?”

&n
bsp; “How long what? It’s the middle of the night, Jamie.” Sheryl sat up. “What happened to your hand?”

  “The cheating. How long have I missed the clues?”

  “What—”

  “I guess I know why you think cheating isn’t a big deal. Who is it? One of those women you go to brunch with? Someone who can help you get promoted?”

  Sheryl blanched and then her face turned angry.

  “Never mind.” Jamie laughed. It didn’t matter. This was the night to claim her freedom, from a father she no longer respected, from a partner she no longer loved. She walked out.

  “It’s a him and it doesn’t mean anything.”

  Jamie turned around and stared at Sheryl. “You…with a guy? You cheated on me with a guy?”

  “It didn’t mean anything. I was upset, and you were all wrapped up in that business problem.” Sheryl’s voice was a furious screech. “He comforted me…it just happened, Jamie.”

  Jamie stared at the woman she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with. Her perfect hair was in a swirl at the top of her head. Lines around her eyes weren’t covered by makeup. She hated that damn perfume.

  “What are you doing?” Sheryl’s voice became frantic as she followed Jamie to the bedroom.

  “Leaving.” Jamie dressed in the clothes she’d had on and tossed stuff into an overnight bag. “You should be thrilled. Now you can have all the space you want.”

  “Jamie…don’t be childish. Relationships go through hard times.”

  “I’m not in love with you any more.”

  “No one’s in love after ten years.”

  “Oh, yes they are, Sheryl.” Jamie opened a drawer and lifted out her mother’s jewelry box. Carla’s note had been in the bottom of it for twenty years. She wasn’t leaving without it. Tucking it in the inside pocket of her jacket, she grabbed her bags and marched out, a smile spreading up her cheeks. The worst day of her life had just become the best day of her life.

  She meant to go to a hotel but found herself on Carla’s street. Parking in front she stared at the house. Melissa was singing a ballad, and she let the song take her back, swaying as she remembered dancing with Carla in her arms. If she knocked on the door, Carla would welcome her into her home, into her bed, into her life. There was nowhere she’d rather be. She started her car and circled the block for one more look before driving to the hotel. She’d waited twenty years. She could wait a little longer.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  “Phew. I forgot what a pain moving is.” Penni plopped herself on the couch and took a long swig from the Corona. “But it got me out of an afternoon of housecleaning and entitles us to gorge on the classic post-move dinner of pizza and beer.” They both swooped for the cardboard box on the coffee table, bumping elbows to grab the first piece.

  Jamie settled into the overstuffed chair. She was exhausted but she was free, and that’s all that mattered. It wasn’t too late to find her dreams again. It wasn’t too late for happiness. She closed her eyes, smiling as she chewed the ultimate comfort food. The week was ending a whole lot better than it had begun.

  “I wish you’d just moved in with us.”

  “I’m a little old to be crashing on someone’s couch.” Jamie stuffed a big bite into her mouth, moaning as she chewed.

  “You need more sex if pizza makes you moan like that.”

  “Ignoring you,” Jamie mumbled around the mouthful of cheese and pepperoni.

  “Hmm,” Penni said, bouncing on the sagging couch. “I know you took this house on short notice but it could use some sprucing up—has that definite eighties look. And what’s with all the boat pictures?”

  “A retired merchant marine and lifelong bachelor—brother of one of my patients. They had to move him into a care facility and didn’t want to sell right away, so I’m renting it.”

  “Ahh. So what’s the wicked witch gonna do?”

  “Don’t know. I’m hoping she’ll move out and sign off on the house if I make it worth her while.”

  “You shouldn’t have to make anything worth her while.” Penni’s voice rose with anger. “I am so pissed that, on top of everything else, she was cheating on you. God, I want to—”

  “Stop,” Jamie said, picking up another piece of pizza. “She’s not worth your time. She hasn’t been worth my time either in too long, but I couldn’t see it. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize how self-absorbed she’d become and how unhappy I was.” Jamie shook her head. How had she been so blind? “I thought if I just tried harder it would work.”

  “That’s kind of what you did with your father, too—kept trying hard to earn his love. He was as self-absorbed as Sheryl. You know, I always thought it was odd that he never came to any of your games.”

  Jamie pressed the cold Corona against her hand. The stitches itched. “Guess I got some mixed-up ideas about love, huh?” Jamie picked at the label. “It’s weird. I’ll never forgive him, but what he did…I feel like I’ve been set free.”

  “It’s about time.” Penni patted Jamie’s knee. “What’s going to happen to Marjorie?”

  “I don’t know and I’ve decided I don’t care. That’s up to the DA. As soon as Pete gets that house transferred into my name, I’m going to throw her out on her ass. And I’m thinking about making some changes with my business. I don’t want to be owned by it any more.”

  Penni sat on the arm of the chair and hugged Jamie, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. “I’m proud of you. You’re starting to remind me of a feisty pitcher I once knew.”

  “I’m starting to feel like that person again. Ready to conquer the world, bag the babes…well, one at least.”

  “Is she thrilled you moved out?”

  “I didn’t tell her.” Jamie held up her hand to stop Penni’s protest. “I need a minute to catch my breath. It’s been a hell of a week.”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake. You’ve been in love with her for twenty years. This is your chance for happiness. Grab it.”

  “I wish it were that simple. I still need to figure out how to tell her about Sheryl.”

  “Damn, I forgot about that. Don’t suppose you could tell her you ended your relationship without naming names.”

  “I can’t be dishonest with her. I feel guilty enough I haven’t already told her. I’m scared. I hope she understands.”

  “She loves you. She’ll understand. Time for pints and spoons,” Penni said, jumping to her feet. “Race you to the freezer.”

  *

  Jamie tried both sides of the bed, looking for a spot that wasn’t lumpy or caved in. Plucking her phone from atop the paperback on the nightstand she dialed and waited for the voice she needed to hear.

  “I miss you.” Carla had left for San Diego last night. “I hope it’s okay to call.”

  “It’s better than okay. I miss you, too.”

  “How was your day?” Jamie closed her eyes and drank in the voice that felt like home.

  “A lot of fun. We went to a dog show this afternoon. I might want a friend to live with.”

  “Lucky dog.” Jamie envied the pup that got to curl up on Carla’s bed. Maybe she should tell her about Sheryl now, and then she’d have time to think about it before they saw each other.

  “And the girls took me to dinner and a movie for my birthday.”

  “Wish I’d been there. I could get used to romantic comedies.”

  “You mean I’ve converted you?”

  “Might take a few more but I’m coming around.” Tell her. “Um…How’s Lissa?” Jamie clenched her jaw. No, that would be chickening out. She needed to do it in person.

  “Great. She teased me about going back to that bar.”

  “You didn’t go, right?”

  “It was tempting. And they’re talking about going on an Olivia cruise this summer with the girls they’ve become friends with. They want me to come with them.”

  “That’s my dream vacation.”

  “I can’t think of anything more fun than being out
and proud on a boatful of lesbians.”

  Jamie wanted to be on that boat with her. “Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night? I want to talk to you about something, and I have a late birthday present for you.” Jamie planned to wear the dressy burgundy shirt she loved with a big white bow on her chest. Her heart skipped a beat. If Carla didn’t forgive her for not telling her about Sheryl, how would she survive?

  “My plane doesn’t get in until ten. Monday night?”

  “It’s a date. I’m going to miss blueberry pancakes tomorrow.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Well, I’ll let you get back to the girls.”

  “I’m headed to bed. Steph loaned me a new book from her stash. She’s thoroughly enjoying my conversion. She’s got me addicted to lesbian fiction.”

  Jamie fingered a well-worn paperback that was one of her favorites—the lesbian fiction equivalent of comfort food. “Not a bad addiction. Good night, Carla.”

  Jamie held the phone to her chest, her heart pounding with love. They’d settled into an easy friendship after Monday but she wanted so much more. Carla was already in her heart; now if she could just get her in her life. She crossed her fingers, praying she’d understand about Sheryl.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Carla lifted the pan of enchiladas from the microwave and set it on the table as Sara bounded into the break room and sat down next to Don. Her freezer was overflowing from all the cooking she’d done last week, her escape from emotions that were still trying to settle. It wasn’t the new life she’d expected, but she was trying to make peace with it.

  “Love the table and chairs,” Sara said, “and all the dishes.” She held up one of the new glasses, and Don poured iced tea into it.

  Carla set a bowl of black beans in the microwave as the staff passed around the enchiladas and salad, conversation light and punctuated by frequent laughter. It was as if the office had let out a collective sigh of relief. Jamie had taken them all out to dinner last week to celebrate the end of the Marjorie incident, as everyone was calling it. Even Betty joined them. Leaving out the personal details, Jamie simply said it was over and the clinic would be fine.